I FREAKING ROCK (and so do you)

Last week I attended Tony Robbin’s signature event, Unleash the Power Within.

After so many years of being miserable it was time to STEP UP and do something about it. My anger and frustration, worry, never feeling good enough had to stop.

The biggest takeaways are:

1. I will focus on what I have vs. what I do not
2. I will not try to control situations I have no control over.
3. I will stop worrying so much about my pregnancy.  It is time to be a WARRIOR not a worrier.
4. Relationships with my family are the most important, I will not let myself get in the way of that!
5. I will do a form of priming every day.  Priming gets us excited and helps us focus on what is the most important.
6. If it’s in your head, your dead!
7. Don’t let my negative thoughts get in the way of what I want.  There is always a WAY.
8. Where FOCUS goes ENERGY flows
9. Read or listen to something every day.  (TV does not count)
10. no complaints
11.  Never stop!

It was such a great experience and I am so grateful I took the time to do this.

#MAKEYOURMOVE and say #YES

Clueless

Seeing someone pregnant for the first time the day you have your miscarriage.  And they gloat and talk about how excited they are. All I wanted to do was punch them in the face and cry.

Getting invited to the baby’s baby-naming the day you have your second miscarriage.  Even worse than the first time!

Going to the baby-naming and my uncle gloating that they are a grandfather before your own dad.  That was my tipping point.  I finally let it out and called him a jack ass.  I guess the reality is he doesn’t have any tact to begin with so it’s no surprise he would be clueless.

I have found the majority of people have no idea that it is rude to ask “when are you having a baby…”  Sometimes my answer is, well we’re trying.  One day I think I will look at someone and say “well, I’ve had 2 miscarriages and am going through a lot of testing right now to find out why we are having so much difficulty”.  Maybe then they will learn their lesson that its NONE of their business when ME AND MY HUSBAND are having a baby!  Really, who do you think you are that you need to know!  Asshole!

The waiting game

Since the technician told me yesterday “it’s not looking good” I have been waiting for my doctor’s office to contact me and let me know how to proceed.

 

Loss – again

The feeling when the ultrasound technician says she’s sorry but there is no heartbeat.

Knowing that for the second time I have not been able to have a baby makes everything feel awful.  I feel sadness, anger, hurt, frustration and want to know what the hell is wrong with my body!

I want a baby but I don’t know if I can go through this all over again…  The waiting, anxiety, fear.

Worry

There is something so worrisome and scary about being in the early stages of pregnancy.  Especially when you have already experienced a miscarriage.

Yesterday at the ultrasound, they found a heartbeat but the baby was measuring smaller than it should be for this age.  Doctor said maybe the dates were wrong.  The bloodwork from last week did show signs of improvement and the levels were increasing.  HMMMMMMF

Every time I go to the bathroom I get scared to see if there is spotting.  I get worried every little back ache or stomach pain I experience.  I fret all day and am so scared and worried.  It is also isolating because nothing anyone says can make it better, make the worry or fear go away.

This is supposed to be a happy experience but so far it has been nothing but scary and full of worry.

I’m excited to be pregnant and have a baby but I don’t know how I can go for the next several months without being anxious all the time.